This just pops up on my wall.

And I bounce off the ceiling. :D

The hostelers and I. :) Miss them like HELL. 

Bottom: Yegu, me, Sree, Anupama(a new addition to Orthogonal Words).

Top: Yuha, Pavi, Swetha, Nikitta, Ragavi.

My first time alone.

In an airport. All by myself.

I remember some people telling me, “Oh, wow! That’s amazing! I’d do ANYTHING to go on an airplane alone!” Well, I have four words to say about going to an airport alone for sixteen year olds like me who’ve never done that before.

Hell must be better.

I wish I was exaggerating. Maybe it was my luck. Maybe it’s my fate that everything I did until I reached Mumbai went wrong some way or the other.

My grandparents had asked their go-to guy the day before for a driver to take us to the airport at 11:45 AM, since the flight was at 1:30. Either the guy had a memory problem or he was already mad, ‘cause when he called at 12:00, he simply replied that he had forgot, and that he was on a boat in Kodaikannal, @##$#%@&%$.

So we caught two autos, one for the luggage and my grandfather, and another for my grandmother and me.

It was HOT. Hot would be an understatement. Hot air blew through my eyes, and the sting lasted until the night, even after I got my sunglasses out. We got there on time, thankfully, and but there was a small confusion on the way to the gate I don’t even want to say in detail. Stupidest thing ever.

So I got to the ticket counter with my FIITJEE IDC, somehow already tired, and I start stammering in the name of telling what place I’m going to.

“Baroda. Vadodara. I mean, Mumbai. Jet airways?”

That’s precisely what I said. I got an eyebrow raise.

*facepalm* “Bombay.”

“Are you sure?”

And I blinked for a while, wondering whether that was just a polite way of laughing in my face. I finally got the ticket, a printed string of letters, and I said goodbye to my grandparents.

I remember thinking that the tough part was over.

*laugh*

“Move!” someone behind me shouted. My trolley was too heavy to meet his requirements, though.

The bag I took was… complicated. It wasn’t your average pulling thing with the pullable long handle. It was something like a large ball with lots of straps and four wheels underneath. A heavy ball. I had to check that in all by myself with a huge line of grumpy people.

The phone in my pocket started ringing when I tried to lift my bag to get the tag thing. I had to ignore it, but before that could even register in my mind, I got shouted at yet again. :| :|

Then I pushed the trolley to the check in counter to what I thought was the end of the line. 

Well. What I thought was terribly wrong. I don't even have to say what everyone behind me in the actual line told me.

So after a long time, I went to the place they check hand luggage, and that was probably the only place nothing drastic happened. I first took my cell phone with me to the patting-down area, though, but that was no big deal. Just had to run and give it and stand in the line again.

It was 12:45, and 12:50 was the boarding time. I ran with a heavy school bag on my shoulders and a laptop bag in my hand.

I went to Gate 5 and stood somewhere around since the sign said that they were boarding passengers on the flight to Hyderabad. I called my father and told him everything I could until I noticed a new line start to form. I went there, and the time was around 1:00, so I was sure it was the line for Mumbai.

Until the whole line started dissolving. I stared blankly.

A lady with a pink shirt said some gate number and "First floor!" and I STUPIDLY thanked her and ran up the steps. Stupid, stupid, stupid. That was one mistake I could have avoided.

After I ran up the steps (the escalator actually wasn't working. I mean, come on, it's an airport!), I stood at that gate for two minutes.

Then my senses came back to me, 'cause I tapped the shoulder of the person in front of me and asked him/her, "Chennai to Mumbai?"

Head shake. "Delhi."

AAAH!! I ran like a lunatic. It was a miracle that the plane I was boarding was late and I could make it two minutes before the boarding. 

Don't ask. I don't remember where this is. 

i plopped down on my seat. I must have looked terrible, 'cause someone in the plane helped me put my bags up and offered to buy me a drink later. I fell asleep while I was talking.

It was a two hour flight. I woke up about ten minutes before the plane landed, and my ears hurt for a good one hour afterwards. I talked to my parents, and then Kaushika for twenty three minutes, which cooled me down. I remember her asking me why I was talking that softly. I simply couldn't hear anything at all, and I really didn't want to shout in that quiet Mumbai airport.


The second flight sort of made up for the first flight. There were two hours between the two flights, so I settled down with the latest Reader's Digest, two paneer wraps and a cup of awesome hot chocolate. 


The hot chocolate was extraordinary. :) I loved it. The second flight wasn't that bad. It was delayed by 45 minutes, though, as though it just had to satisfy the way that nothing went smoothly in the whole trip.


So. To all those people who think going on a flight alone is exciting. Well.


It sure is.

I think too much.

*takes off glasses dramatically*

There's so much to do, and so little time to do it.

Somebody must have said it before. I'm so boring.




But it's true! I want to do so many things! I want to study for the huge exam I have coming up! I want to make a thousand WC and Castle videos with all the songs I know! I want to write an article on Tim Dekay (even though so many people already have) and I want to sleep. Zzz...


School got over a couple of days ago. I managed not to cry that much (that much) until I went down, knowing I'd have to run away before I saw one particular person leave, but no, she had to call me before I could make it out. It would have been Anupama, but I managed to believe that we could call each other and gush about Matt Bomer's hat or that Tim Dekay's smile is awesome, but Pavithra.

A bad quality picture of four of the five I always ramble about.

The background is the hostel we stayed in (sob! Doesn't look good in this pic! It's not that bad, actually.)The middle, standing one is Pavithra.

I joined my school four years ago. My parents wanted me to join this four year integrated program  for boards and IITJEE together. The first two years went well. But after that, I found out I just couldn't balance the two together as much as I tried, and well, both of them went (whoosh) down.  


The first person I met was her. Or, rephrasing that, the longest time I knew a person and was so, so close with them was her. Four whole years. The four years I took to grow up were almost completely next to her. Doesn't everyone have a person like that? A person you can bang on the head and expect to be banged back, but it'll happen when you're not expecting it, in front of people you'd be embarrassed by? Hee. Tenth grade.


We used to compare our similarities. No offence to anyone, but we're the exact same caste, we came from the same city, we both got the same salt for practicals, we have younger ones who're admirable (Ugh. I'll tell you that story later), we both wore red saris to our farewell - we even expected to be in the same batch during shuffling in 11th. That didn't happen, and I blame getting in one higher batch than her to OMR screening errors. Bleah. She always got higher than me. 


This one time, we decided to check out who got higher marks in French. She's like this 99 scorer in that area, and I'm like this Blah, in French. 


Oh God. We got the exact same marks in that test. Poor her. It's fate, I'm telling you.


We didn't really share the same interests. She would say her favorite book was COP (Snicker. That's Concepts Of Physics. Geez.). If I said that, people would be like WHAT?  


There was this time in twelfth grade that we decided to attend this extra KVPY class, just as an excuse so the four of us(KP and Akila, also close to me, also studied four year integrated with me) could be together, probably one last time[?]. We went to this teacher we'd heard of, and he said he's teaching at 5, would we be interested? 


Fifteen minutes into the class, we realized the class was for eleventh graders. Shucks, man.  


The teaching was awesome. ;) He said sine waves were sometimes happy, sometimes sad, and he kept getting jumpy, and happy, and I couldn't stop laughing in the second-to-last bench whenever he did that, squeezed in the corner with kids in front of me (actually my age, probably, but my juniors) blocking me from his sight, and Pavithra kept pinching my arm because she wasn't being blocked, and me laughing and he jumping was really too much for her.


KP, this shy girl who never gets up in class, got up in class after being ushered by me and Pavi and Aki and a couple of BH guys who were in our class in ninth and tenth who got caught in this class also thinking it was for our standard. All the six of us couldn't stop laughing, since he never really answered her and she gives perfect reactions to when that happens to her. 


Class got over at 8:30 PM. It was an awesome three hours.


The first day I met Pavithra was on April 29th, 2007. I had come to school wearing a ratty old orange outfit, and Pavithra had short, neat bob-cut hair. We got packages, and I remember we were like "Wow! Packages!" with big, glowing, interested eyes. If you were a student in my school, you'd know what I feel like now. 


We sat together on the bed, and covered the answers to the solved problems one by one with our fingers and tried to figure them out (ROFL now). 


KP and Akila were like the second batch who got merged with our class one month later, so we were the two who knew each other the longest, who were in the hostel the longest. 


No. Actually, she was. I left the hostel a year ago and came to school as a day-scholar. Lot's of sobbing for a year after.


So I watched her pack her stuff to go home the ten days we have for IITJEE to get over. There were a couple of other people around, but I kept thinking, "Oh my gosh, this is it, this is the day I always visualized in my mind as the day we're going to leave each other. This is it."


I buried my face into the bed and pretended to sleep, but hell, she's known me for four years, so she knew I was crying without even looking at me.


She told me to leave. Go home. But at that moment, I didn't want to. I knew I'd go home and feel bad I left so early. 


I left that room and slowly walked over to Akila, who was alone in our hostel canteen, crying to herself like she did four years ago when she came (Vibrating, the three of us used to joke). I sat next to her, and cried horribly at every word she said.


Then I knew I had to get the hell out of there, unless I wanted to die from water-loss.


So I hugged everyone, carefully avoiding falling in her gaze, didn't hug Anupama, it would be too much for me, and left.


Four years...


"Sottai!" Drat. 


I knew it was obvious I heard her, so I turned around. Pavithra was logging her bags and climbing into the auto I didn't even know had come.


"Enna, jute ayidalaam nu paathiyaa?"


She's the one who told me to leave. Now she's asking me, what, you thought you could leave without telling me?


I turned away, and smiled, what I always do when I cry, hoping it would cover up the fact that I'm actually freaking going to miss her.


The silence was telling. She touched my shoulder, said something I never figured out, since I was too busy trying to turn away since the fake smile was useless.


Then she climbed into the auto with her father and left. She left. Drove out of my life forever. Just one look back at me and she left.


I walked away, ignoring the people who were calling me from behind, since I'm not a coward in my mind, I don't cry, in my mind. I never like to. I just pat people on the shoulder and console them, I never cry, nuh-uh. 


But everyone knew I was crying.

I caught an auto on the street. I leaned back and sobbed, my face pulling in, tears staining the uniform I was never, ever going to wear again. 


I took a tissue out of my bag and wiped up my face. The auto stopped at a traffic signal, I sniffed, putting the tissue back in my bag, and then, "Minitha!"


You've got to be kidding me.


I turned to my side, and Pavithra's in the auto next to me, this tiny smile on her face. 


I don't smile. I give this "Oh please," expression, and turn away, and then I turn back, realizing she really is there, and she's still leaning out and smiling sadly. I shake my head at her, and the traffic signal turns green. I don't say bye, since I don't have the strength to, and I don't want to. I look at my lap, the auto moves forward fast, and I cry all over again like some psycho. I don't look up the next time the auto stops.


My mom gasped when she opened the door. I looked like hell. Ask my mirror if you want.


I lied on my bed, looking at the ceiling, wondering what a good story it would be if Pavithra called.


My phone rang. 'Pavihos', it read on the display. Then it ended.


I knew I was dreaming. But the caller ID kept flashing at me as "one missed call". I took it in my hand.


Do you want me to call? I texted.
Obviously.


"Sot." I sniffed once she picked up.
She was at the railway station, alone. She told me not to be an idiot, this isn't the end, this is the B.E.G.I.N.N.I.N.G, it seems, and a small "yeah, right," comes out of my mouth. I listen to what she's saying as I opened my laptop, and she said she was doing the same thing, looking at her father's laptop. 


We talked for a short time. She said she'd ping me on FB if she noticed me, but I didn't show up. 

The end of tenth grade. We look horrible in this picture. That's the problem of being hostelers. You're not allowed to carry cameras, and when you are, it's the last day, when everyone's crying and sad. So yeah, we look two years older, not younger, than we actually are.

Sad endings aren't my thing. But I never really did have any closure with her. So, yeah. I think too much.

By the way, if you know Tamil, the reason everyone calls me "Sottai" is solely because there was a time I called everyone that. Solely.

  I have the best friends on Earth. :)